When I sit down to write a review, it’s typically because a film has provoked serious thought, but there are of course exceptions. Sometimes, I have serious issues with a cinematic work that pop culture just won’t shut up about, and sometimes I feel the need to highlight a delightfully horrible work of art that baffles me. In the interest of thoroughly exploring such films, my reviews are lengthy. I find myself explaining the context of a film quite often, something that isn’t always necessary. Often, my plot synopses are long enough to encompass the bulk of a review, and while this is usually viewed as an amateur mistake, I generally do so for films that I recommend against viewing, such as A Tale of Two Coreys. This approach can also be necessary for analysis of a particularly complex film.
On top of this, nearly all of my reviews include tremendous spoilers, and for someone who wants to really experience a film, I understand this is less than optimal. For these reasons, I intend to focus on smaller, more digestible spoiler-free reviews for a while. This doesn’t mean the old format of breaking a film down completely will fall by the wayside forever. Still, since not every film deserves this treatment, and I find myself increasingly pressed for time, this new focus will allow me to review a greater volume and breadth of films.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
I just don’t have time to think very hard about Solo: A Star Wars Story, and apparently, neither did its writers.
I wish I could say I saw Solo without a severe bias, but that simply isn’t true. I’ve grown increasingly weary of Star Wars, and I blame some of this on my own resentment toward Disney’s acquisition of the franchise. I really don’t need a Star Wars film every year, and these more recent entries have really suffered from being rushed into production.
Rogue One was really the breaking point for me. It was an inconsequential movie that served to close a rather trivial plot hole in the original franchise. Before its release, we were promised a “darker” Star Wars experience than the main series. Apparently, “darker” referred to the film’s color palette, and the fact that nearly every character is dead by the end of the film. Solo takes this promise of a darker film far too literally, and much of it is drenched in a murky, uninspired color scheme. In addition to promoting yawns in the audience, this also makes the film rather hard to see, especially during action sequences.
The necessity of a Han Solo origin film has been in question since this project was announced. Rogue One was just a way to build on the box office momentum of Disney’s Star Wars franchise, and given my feelings regarding that film, I had little expectations for Solo. In fact, it’s the first Star Wars film that I didn’t feel compelled to see in theaters. The franchise has finally bored me out of my previously-held obligation to see these movies on the big screen.
After finally watching Solo (at home, where I can tune out during the obnoxious action sequences) I can confidently say that, no, we did not need a Han Solo origin film. The film often pauses to provide rather silly explanations for such burning questions as:
Why is Han Solo named Han Solo?
Why does Han call Chewbacca ‘Chewie?’
How did Han obtain the Millennium Falcon?
I can’t really say that any of these occurred to me prior to seeing Solo, but I know the answers now, and they’re all boring enough that I won’t bother mentioning them. This self-referential bullshit happens throughout the film, and it’s distracting.
In many of the reviews I’ve read for Solo, a decent amount of praise has been given to Donald Glover’s performance as Lando. I will say, he encompassed exactly what I’d expect from young Lando, but nothing more. I was less impressed than most.
The plot of this film isn’t exactly compelling either. Han wants to escape from the planet he is currently on, because he and his sort-of girlfriend are sick of living life as disgusting sewer rats. His girlfriend is left behind, so Han decides to join up with some mercenaries to obtain the funds to go back for her. He quickly discovers that she did in fact make it off the planet, and now has negligible feelings for him. Han, Han’s love interest, and a bunch of random mercenaries are trying to pull off “one last heist” so they can retire. That’s pretty much it, until the final third of the film, which involves at least five bait-and-switch betrayal scenarios that either go nowhere or meander off to the land of odd and confusing character motivations. I’m not going to bother marking that as a spoiler, because it’s something you see coming pretty early on in the film. There is one surprise, but it’s fairly underwhelming, although it’s probably the only spoiler you should care about.
Oh yeah, Woody Harrelson is in this movie playing the same character he played in The Hunger Games, only slightly shadier if my memory serves me. There’s a sassy new droid that parodies women’s rights initiatives. I think that was supposed to be funny, but I can’t quite tell. The rest of the performances I would describe as “fine.” Emilia Clarke tries her hardest to elevate her poorly-written and unnecessary character, but the script requires her to completely abandon her previous persona so many times that her screen-time feels patched together from a film that was once a bit more linear. Alden Ehrenreich was a poor choice for Han Solo, but once again, it’s more of a script problem. When it comes to this film’s inadequacies, it’s really hard to fault anyone but Disney and its incessant need for hardcore profit.
Watching Solo is like watching a bad fan edit of the more recent Star Wars films without the Jedi shenanigans that keep us coming back. It attempts to legitimize itself as a “heist film” through the use of some of the lamest betrayals and faux-betrayals I’ve seen in quite some time. They’re very rushed, and they’re as stupid as you think they are.
This is the first Star Wars film I can honestly say I don’t recommend to anyone, and as usual, I’m going to blame Disney.
3/10
Now, who’s excited for the Obi-Wan movie?